Friday, May 02, 2014


It would seem that 2014 is a shaping up to be a year with a lot of alternatives.  Apparently I have anxiety and a lot of it.  I never do anything half-measure so why would I think that this would be any different. You would never know looking at me from the outside in and I didn't know (and I was on the inside!)  Of course,  there are the times you aren't ready to know something.  I think I've always had an inkling, but I kept so busy that I really didn't have to look at it fully....just catch a glimpse here and there.  I've only taken a few steps but it's been an interesting journey so far -- from the confrontation and diagnosis to the "dealing with it" process.  It's funny, though, that the anxiety-laden state does help me produce some of my best work, but I am learning to handle timing, relationships, and my own brain that won't shut off so much of the time, better.  I am such a skeptic but in a few short months I've embraced daily meditation, the need for daily preventative, and  essential oils, that have amazing healing capability.  All have played a part in enabling me to sleep and reach states of peace/calm that I hadn't been able to reach in a long time. 

I am spending a lot more time on things that are going to relax me.  Last month I started the #100happydays challenge online and I've had a great time taking time taking time to figure out what really makes me happy.  I've tried to spend times on things that are meaningful to me in a positive way.  The deadlines and promotion time are still always looming, but I'm finding that this calm has brought a sense of purpose so they aren't as daunting.  I am also spending time trying to look past my busyness to some quieter, natural moments.  Last month I took time out to spend the day with a good friend and among our stops was a visit to the butterfly house.  It was so nice to sit there and just "be" for a few minutes, not even talking.  I felt rejuvenated after the day was over.  I have also received much solace from our return to a search for a new church.  That process will be slow, but so far it has felt like the direction we should head.  I am very lucky to have a husband who has sensed I've needed a lot of support in my new directions. 

I am not outdoorsy at all but I do love to look at the new growth in spring so today I visited a walking trail for about an hour and a half and took the time to look at the new growth mixed with the thick layers of years past on the forest floor.  I spent time reflecting on some really hard moments in this forest last fall.  Revisiting those moments was cathartic and scary at the same time, but looking at the newly budding trees and their steadfastness and promise, seemed to ground me as I was lost in thoughts that I had put away during the last six months. 

As with some of the other alternative or holistic modalities I have tried, this was also a great release for me.  I highly advise everyone to try it!

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